i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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