she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
