dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
