I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize