Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
