Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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