I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
