Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
