The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
