My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
