his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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