So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic