Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.