wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"