no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"