I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
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We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.