I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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