I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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