i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
