I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I am available for nakedness
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
