The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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