Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
