u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
