....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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