wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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