The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
