you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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