My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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You. Win. At. Life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
