On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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