well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
