The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize