His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if only i could text you this smell
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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