Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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