Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
