every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
