i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So. Much. Porn.
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