so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
