Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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