I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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