I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
