whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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