How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
