Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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