I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
