Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Come see our sink grown plant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
