Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
