Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
