I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
