I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
