Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
