he wants to bone in the snuggie
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
