Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
