Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
