Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
