Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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