i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
