C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
