"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
