3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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