Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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