I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
