Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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