Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
