So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
