Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
