Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
