Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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