I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
