Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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